Unfortunately, all that post-movie history, which was explained at length in a ton of novels, no longer exists. So Luke was never cloned, he never got married to an assassin named Mara Jade, the remnants of Imperial and Rebel forces never had to team up to fight off a massive takeover attempt by a bunch of aliens, and Han and Leia never got to explore the Millennium Falcon's history with their granddaughter. Lots of other stuff happened, but that's all I can remember off the top of my head. Anyway, none of that ever happened. Although technically the folks at Disney said that it did "in an alternate universe", which is a lame excuse. But basically we have to start from scratch now.
It's been thirty years since Return of the Jedi. The Empire has fallen apart after the deaths of Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader, and a group called the First Order has picked up the biggest part of their scraps. The New Republic apparently disbanded its army, so a group of dissidents are known as the Resistance, and they're facing off against the First Order.
On a desert planet called Jakku, an old man gives a trinket to an X-wing pilot named Poe Dameron, who feeds the trinket into his soccer-ball-like astromech droid BB-8 before a bunch of Stormtroopers arrive and massacre everyone in the town. (This trinket turns out to be a slice of a treasure map.) Those Stormtroopers are under the command of a guy named Kylo Ren, who can Force-freeze blaster bolts and read people's minds. Ren captures Poe, BB-8 escapes into the wilderness(have we seen that before?), and one Stormtrooper can't bring himself to murder innocent people, as indicating by frowning at his blaster rifle. (They can hit things now.)
BB-8 is captured by a desert scavenger(it seems to be the sole occupation on the planet, as it's basically a junkyard) before being rescued by a girl named Rey, who grouchily agrees to take the droid into town the next day. She's very used to taking care of herself, living alone in the hulk of an old AT-AT(those elephant things used during the Battle of Hoth in Empire Strikes Back). She probably would like to leave, but doesn't mention anything about it directly. Everybody in town wants the working droid, but she decides to keep it, which leads to the food trader calling someone to alert them that there's this droid here that everyone in this corner of the galaxy is apparently searching for.
That one Stormtrooper, FN-2187, defects and rescues Poe, and they steal a TIE fighter, crash-landing on Jakku after getting shot. (Poe was looking for BB-8, who is now with Rey.) She beats him up when they meet, thinking he was a thief, but he explains that there was a wreck and Poe didn't make it, and so that's why he is wearing Poe's jacket. This leads Rey to think that he is a Resistance fighter. Right about then a bunch of TIE fighters come blazing into town looking for the droid, and so they all bolt towards a ship to get away. (She's a natural pilot and mechanic.) The ship they were going for is blown up, so they redirect and steal "a piece of garbage" from the food trader. This "piece of garbage" is an ugly Corellian YT freighter that hasn't flown in years. (That model sounds familiar!)
Rey pilots masterfully away from her pursuers during a chase, where she manages to allow Finn to shoot most of those chasing them, and they go into deep space....where they're captured by a much larger ship's tractor beam. So they hide, naturally. But when these new invaders arrive, they turn out to be friendly: Han Solo and Chewbacca. As Han says, "Chewie - we're home." They have a brief encounter with Rey and Finn, Rey explaining that she stole the ship from the guy who stole it from someone who stole it from somebody else - "That guy was me!" Han complains. Anyway, now it's backstory time; they explain that they're trying to get BB-8 back to the Resistance, and that sounds like as good a venture as any. So sure they'll help. Han reveals that the legends were true. the Jedi did exist, and he was the same Han Solo who fought with the Rebellion and knew Luke Skywalker before he disappeared, due to a student falling to the Dark Side. (Apparently the last cargo Han was hauling before the Falcon was stolen was a pack of rathtars, terrifying octopus-like things, and they have stayed alive somehow for all that time the Falcon was parked. Either that, or they were on the much larger ship Han anhed Chewie were piloting.)
Anyway, two separate gangs show up to cause trouble for Han, only to be dispatched through a mix of blaster and bowcaster fire and getting eaten up by the rathtars. Those gangs were going to try to get a First Order bounty on BB-8 while they were at it.
Han decides to head to visit one of his old smuggling contacts, an ancient lady named Maz Kanata who runs a gathering spot bar on a very green planet called Tokodana. (Maz is about a thousand years old. And on entering the planet's atmosphere, Rey comments that she "had no idea that there was this much green in the entire galaxy." Han looks guilty.) Anyway, Rey finds an old lightsaber and picks it up, only to have a bewildering dream sequence/flashback. She is scared and runs into the woods. Someone in the bar has alerted the First Order to BB-8's presence, and so a bunch of Stormtroopers crash the place.
Kylo Ren is there, too; and he has some serious anger issues. Or something. Anyway, he flipped out when he heard that there was a girl with the droid, and so he's on Tokodana to capture her. (He does, by using his jagged growling lightsaber for emphasis.) The First Order uses their new Starkiller Base(which is a Death Star built into the core of a planet) to evaporate much of the New Republic system. And Supreme Leader Snoke has told Kylo Ren that he must kill his father to complete his training. Poe's squadron of X-wings saves Han, Chewie, Finn and BB-8, and escorts them to the Resistance base.
At the Resistance base, a raid is commissioned to attack the possible weak spot in the design, which means the X-wings have to fly down narrow channels again on a bombing run. And Han, Chewie and Finn have to go inside the base to disarm things so that it will explode properly at the end. But before all that, Han and Leia have a terrific reunion, and we learn for sure what we already knew; that Kylo Ren is their son, and he was the one responsible for wrecking Luke's school.
Back on the Starkiller Base, Rey and Kylo frown at each other a lot as they try to out-stubborn the other. Rey has just realized that she can use the Force, and she mind-tricks a random Stormtrooper into letting her escape. Lots of wandering through hallways occurs here, which chews up a lot of time. Anyway, she runs into everyone else(literally), and Han confronts Kylo, calling him by his birth name, Ben. Chewie, Finn and Rey can only watch in horror as Kylo murders Han; Chewie blows some stuff up as a way to express his grief(and also finish the mission for why they were all there in the first place). Chewie also shoots Kylo for good measure.
Kylo chases Rey and Finn into the snowy woods outside the Starkiller entrance, and Finn has his spine all slashed up, since he has no training in lightsaber dueling. Rey draws with Kylo, and everyone survives the planet's explosion.
R2-D2 conveniently wakes up from a coma to deliver the rest of BB-8's map, where Rey travels to a watery island, finds Luke Skywalker, and silently holds out his lightsaber.
It's Star Wars. There are a ton of plot holes and maddeningly poor dialogue throughout, and everyone knows far too much about what's going on all the time. But somehow you can overlook that for the most part. Harrison Ford is amazing, and Carrie Fisher did a great job, too. And Daisy Ridley was pretty good. I didn't love the movie like Mom, Dad or Courtney did, but it was enjoyable. (Really, basically the entire world loved it.)
And also, this was the start of a new trilogy, so there will be a lot explained in Episodes VIII and IX.
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