Books That Should Exist

    These books, as far as I know, don't actually exist. But the subjects sound interesting, and I love puns, so...yeah.

"Rugs and Carpets", by Walter Walls.
Walls covers all aspects of this topic of floor-drapery, including Middle Eastern history, the Industrial Revolution and today's modern business. 241 pages, hardback.

"Glory Be! Amen, Brother! and Other Religious Sayings", by Holly Lujah.
Why do older folks sometimes shout agreement during a sermon? How can "Bless your heart" mean such different things whether Grandma says it to someone she doesn't like or a good friend? These and other questions are answered in Holly Lujah's newest title. 143 pages, paperback.

"Early Videogames", by Mrs. Packman.
Pong. Galaga. Dig Dug. Donkey Kong. Space Invaders. Frogger. All classics of the industry that evoke pleasant memories and wistful yearnings for a world with less connections. Interspersed are interviews with gamers, in addition to the business decisions that formed the way we see video games today. 302 pages, hardback, paperback or Kindle edition.

"Safety Tips", by Justin Case.
This world's a dangerous place at times....maybe Mom was right about all those things you never listened to. 54 pages, paperback.

"Lions, Tigers and Bears", by O. Myers.
This charming picture book explains how a small cat learns not to be afraid of bigger animals, in announcing their ballgames. 41 pages, hardback.

"Quilts", by Blaine Keys.
A fascinating coffee-table book ideal for those winter nights during a storm when the power goes out. Examines patterns and how their names came to be; as well as the mechanical process and social connectivity of creating quilts. 314 pages, paperback.

"The Big Book of Basketball Stats", by R.E. Bounds.
Every conceivable hoops fact imaginable can be found in this book, as well as a great many inconceivable as well. What year did Abe Saperstein form the Harlem Globetrotters? How important was George Mikan's influence on professional basketball? How far-out was the ABA's original 3-point shot? Find those and many more sports-bar stumpers inside the pages of this book. 422 pages, hardback.

"Ajax vs. Comet" and "Clorox vs. Tide", both by Dee Tergents.
In these books on cleaning materials, the author examines the creation of artificial grime-removal solutions and the branding wars that resulted as marketing has become ever more important. 224 and 253 pages, respectively, both available in paperback or Kindle editions.

"Bad Singers Found Here", by Cole Showers.
Ever wonder what happens to all those American Idol contestants who fail miserably in auditions? Or what made them try out in the first place? Showers on these questions and more in his book which came about, incidentally, in the bathroom, while pondering why good(and delusional) ideas come when least expecting them. 226 pages, available in hardback, paperback, Kindle or audiobook versions.

"COWS!", by Bo Vine.
Everything is covered here, from mating to milking, heifers to Holsteins, castration to curing meat. Stanchions, slaughter, breeds and brands. Cattle drives through Texas and Wisconsin milk-producers. 347 pages, hardback or paperback. 

"Town Drunks", by Otis Campbell.
The definitive word on the subject; examining the town drunk's role in small-town society and politics, as well as in popular music, movies and TV shows. 245 pages, hardback.

"The History of Church Clocks", by Father Tim E. Pieces.
Not many know of the interesting twists and turns of how their local church's clocks came to be. Here are laid clues for future sleuthing laid throughout as the author relates the accounts of six such clocks. 361 pages, hardback or paperback. His son Reese S. wrote a book called "Bite Sized Candy"(224 pages, paperback), which if purchased together save 21% the retail price.

"Opera Music", by H.I. Notes.
The complete beginner's guide to opera in textbook format. 674 pages, hardback. 

"The Encyclopedia of Pool", by Bill Iards.
Iards puts a masterful new spin on the game associated with gentlemen, murders, con artists, back rooms, and seedy bars, shooting into the game's role on slang and literature, among other things. We chalk it up as a masterpiece. (Disclaimer: Some sections caused our staff to break down loudly.) 477 pages, hardback or paperback.

"Camp Memories", by Lottie Goodtimes.
Remembrances of tales of summer camp or church camps throughout the country. 197 pages, paperback.

"Snoopy: A Biography", by Bea Giles.
From his beginnings at the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm to coming to live with Charlie Brown and the Peanuts Gang, all the way to piloting the Metlife blimp and appearing in Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade; America's favorite beagle's life story is presented with personal insights from family and friends. 362 pages, hardback.